Being Wisely Selfish
“Be wisely selfish.”
The Dalai Lama
The Dalai Lama is famous for saying we ought to “be wisely selfish.” What could this advice mean and how should it be implemented? I think there are at least three areas of life in which we could apply this advice always remembering that it is important to be “wisely” selfish. Simply being selfish and having little or no regard for others is not what is meant. However, many people abandon self-interest entirely for the sake of others and this too leads to problems.
One of the most common motives for acting in an “unwisely” selfish way is guilt. People act out of guilt and sacrifice their own time, health and happiness for the sake of others. I suspect that the root of this guilt is the misconception that by acting in our self-interest we are acting selfishly. But, the two concepts are different and understanding this difference can help us understand the wisdom of the Dalai Lama’s insight.
The distinction between behavior that is in one’s self-interest and behavior that is selfish can be seen with some examples. No one would argue that it is selfish to take care of one’s health by going to the doctor periodically, but this is clearly in one’s self-interest. To be selfish is to ignore the welfare of others or actively work against it.
I think it is important to try to be wisely selfish in at least three areas of life:
Time We each only have so many hours in the day and so many years of life. While it is rewarding to spend some of that time engaging with others and helping them, it is also important to spend some of your time doing what you want to do. One of the worst ways of spending time is by using it to work for things. Many people work long hours to earn money so that they can buy more things; bigger houses, faster cars, more expensive clothes, etc. Here is a good example of the difference between selfish and self-interested behavior. It seems selfish to work for the sake of things while it is in your self-interest to have time to spend with family, friends, or even just time by yourself.
Health Here is an excellent example of acting in one’s own self-interest which seems to be the heart of the counsel to “be wisely selfish.” How does this apply to health? We can be wisely selfish by getting enough sleep, exercising, eating healthy food. Studies show that how you feel physically can affect your mental outlook so this is another reason to be selfish with your health.
Happiness Many people seem all too willing to sacrifice their own happiness for the sake of others. This is taking the impulse to act selflessly to an extreme. While the Dalai Lama does teach that an important part of our own happiness is derived from helping other people and focusing on their happiness, we are not to do this at the expense of our own happiness. As the Dalai Lama has pointed out in many books, we each have a right to be happy. We need to be wisely selfish with that right.
It has been said that you can’t truly love others unless you love yourself. This notion of self-love is not selfish; it is wisely selfish. That is, it is in one’s own best self-interest to love yourself and take care of yourself. As I’ve asked in a previous post: Aren’t you worth it?
The Dalai Lama
The Dalai Lama is famous for saying we ought to “be wisely selfish.” What could this advice mean and how should it be implemented? I think there are at least three areas of life in which we could apply this advice always remembering that it is important to be “wisely” selfish. Simply being selfish and having little or no regard for others is not what is meant. However, many people abandon self-interest entirely for the sake of others and this too leads to problems.
One of the most common motives for acting in an “unwisely” selfish way is guilt. People act out of guilt and sacrifice their own time, health and happiness for the sake of others. I suspect that the root of this guilt is the misconception that by acting in our self-interest we are acting selfishly. But, the two concepts are different and understanding this difference can help us understand the wisdom of the Dalai Lama’s insight.
The distinction between behavior that is in one’s self-interest and behavior that is selfish can be seen with some examples. No one would argue that it is selfish to take care of one’s health by going to the doctor periodically, but this is clearly in one’s self-interest. To be selfish is to ignore the welfare of others or actively work against it.
I think it is important to try to be wisely selfish in at least three areas of life:
Time We each only have so many hours in the day and so many years of life. While it is rewarding to spend some of that time engaging with others and helping them, it is also important to spend some of your time doing what you want to do. One of the worst ways of spending time is by using it to work for things. Many people work long hours to earn money so that they can buy more things; bigger houses, faster cars, more expensive clothes, etc. Here is a good example of the difference between selfish and self-interested behavior. It seems selfish to work for the sake of things while it is in your self-interest to have time to spend with family, friends, or even just time by yourself.
Health Here is an excellent example of acting in one’s own self-interest which seems to be the heart of the counsel to “be wisely selfish.” How does this apply to health? We can be wisely selfish by getting enough sleep, exercising, eating healthy food. Studies show that how you feel physically can affect your mental outlook so this is another reason to be selfish with your health.
Happiness Many people seem all too willing to sacrifice their own happiness for the sake of others. This is taking the impulse to act selflessly to an extreme. While the Dalai Lama does teach that an important part of our own happiness is derived from helping other people and focusing on their happiness, we are not to do this at the expense of our own happiness. As the Dalai Lama has pointed out in many books, we each have a right to be happy. We need to be wisely selfish with that right.
It has been said that you can’t truly love others unless you love yourself. This notion of self-love is not selfish; it is wisely selfish. That is, it is in one’s own best self-interest to love yourself and take care of yourself. As I’ve asked in a previous post: Aren’t you worth it?
